2024-12-31 21:31
Working on getting the database in order.
Interesting things will be happening here soon.
Working on getting the database in order.
Interesting things will be happening here soon.
Just got home from working 8 hours at Kotteriet.
I've met 300 people today and maxed out my social quota for the rest of the month.
Finally home in bed, comforting my introvert self with some programming.
I intend to make this a very productive year.
Making progress with the database. Currently working on export/import, and after that it's migrations (incremental updates) and "time travel" (restore to point in time).
This is for handling Cloudflare's D1 SQLite databases in general, as part of Lapine Web Engine, but also necessary for proceeding with the development of this journal.
After D1 I will also write functions for R2, Cloudflare's object storage database, with the goal of having file uploads work. This will allow me to post images and create galleries, and also have downloadable files, like my CV and Zines I plan to make in the future.
I'll wait with a full explanation of wtf Lapine Web Engine actually is until I have both D1 and R2 working, but for now I will say it's a unified workflow for making websites and apps using Cloudflare, Electron and Capacitor. It's very ambitious and very useful, and will be the foundation for a lot of interesting projects I have ideas for.
I have decided a few "New Year's resolutions" for this year:
These are of course things in addition to the alredy ongoing missions I need to complete, like making progress with Lapine Web Engine, Engagemanget, Kotteriet and Let's Do the Thing, but these are achievements I really want to accomplish.
I usually set very ambitious goals for myself, but I try to scale things down and be more specific now, in order to increase the chances of actually fulfilling these goals.
I mean, my overly ambitious game development ideas are still on my list of things to do, but they are on a more long term schedule, as I have more immediate things to focus on right now.
Also, I will try to keep more regular work hours as a habit this year, as I'm entering a more productive phase rather than a researching, so to speak, and I want to build a sustainable productive momentum while minimising the risk for burnout.
By "researching" I mean a phase that isn't the opposite of being productive, but a bit more distracted and scattered phase happening while trying to figure things out. I feel much more prepared and certain of what I should be focusing on now in order to build the future I want, which means I can start actualy doing things without wondering if it's what I should be doing, which feels great.
And yes, I know I'm talking about better work routines at five in the morning, but I'm waiting until we can build the home office/workshop that we have planned, as I pretty much only have my bed or our small breakfast table to work at right now, and it just doesn't feel right. So I'll take advantage of my obsessive workaholic night-owl habits a bit more, even if it's not a suitable momentum for keeping focus for a whole year. I need to be a bit more organised if I'm serious about these goals, I think.
I made the mistake of researching online income streams again, because I got inspired by the idea of selling books, but of course I just ended with being overwhelmed and exhausted by the escalating effort needed to be competitive in the market.
Seriously, creating for profit is a fast way to kill your passion.
There's nothing more discuraging for your creative confidence than checking out the competition. And it's not about quality, just the sheer quantity of other things being produced. It's really hard to feel special and relevant in an endless ocean of people just like you.
However, it's of course true that the only way to truly fail is to not participate at all. I won't let this hold me back, I just won't do any market research because it just ruins my mood. I have enough of a struggle as it is with finding my own voice, and comparing myself to a billion other people doesn't help.
I'm not really looking for a quick and easy scheme, just a workflow that makes sense and a niche that feels promising for my skills. It's not the discipline of success that I have issues with, it's the trust in the process. I must believe in the end before I can committ to the start. I have too many projects stuck in development hell already.
Anyway, I'll take a little break from productivity today in order to refocus myself and get back on track with the database programming again. Being eager for progress makes me get distracted by researching new ideas and possibilities, but I already have a plan and should stick to it. I guess I'm just looking forward to producing actual marketable things rather than tools for making them, like Lapine Web Engine is. I have too much going on backstage and not enough on the actual stage, in front of an audience.
But I trust my process, and I'm getting there, even if it's slowly.
I need to stop hanging around on twitter. I've noticed that arguing for things online entertains my brain in the same way as writing code, as it makes me addicted to correcting things and creating order. This is kind of taking away my energy from actual coding.
Sometimes I really do love arguing about philosophical things though. It fascinates me what people can believe in and why, because I myself has been a victim of believing very weird things and finding reality confusing.
Anyway, less twitter, more programming!
Hey, I managed to think up a great idea for Amazon KDP!
I won't reveal exactly what it is, sorry, but it's a very fun twist on coloring books and I'm honestly very excited about it. I imagine it has great potential even though everyone and their grandma are also making coloring books on Amazon KDP.
I have ideas for around 30 themes, so that's good, but each book needs at least 24 pages, so that's... a lot. And I don't like using A.I., so that means I will need to make 720+ illustrations for this to work, but... yeah... I mean, the illustrations are honestly relatively simple, it's more the need for variation that concerns me.
Well, I'm sure I can figure something out. I kow I'll enjoy making them, so that definitely helps.
Although, now that I think about it, it will take like two years if I do one illustration per day, so we'll see how I end up doing this...
Anyway, super fun idea! Really looking forward to making this real, and very excited to see if I can make some sales with it!
I just now identified a strong source for procrastination for me, which is doubt in my own value as a person. It might seem obvious, but I feel like I caught the process of it happening in real time, which made me more aware of it.
I start asking why I am trapped in a low-level situation while I'm not a low-level person, and of course conclude that I'll always be a low-level person as long as I have no financial freedom. So I eagerly start researching shortcuts to make money, even though I already have several solid strategies for how to do so. The problem is just that progress takes time, and while being super focused and continuously building something very ambitious, I eventually have time to ruminate and worry and feel like I'm not doing enough since I'm still stuck in development, and my self doubt starts creeping in.
It's hard to focus on programming when my soul is troubled and I feel sad for all the life I'm missing out on as I'm building towards having the life I dream of.
And this begins the slippery slope of getting lost in emotional escapes and comforts, which is exactly what procrastination is, and while this melancholy mood overtakes me I'm entirely unable to get my brain into gear for hyper focused logical thinking, and the very concept of programming hurts my mind. It literally goes into defensive mode, and make me fall asleep when trying to do complex rational thinking.
The most fascinating thing is that even though I wish on an intellectual level that I could be productive again, and having all the motivation for it, my emotional side overrules everything and makes me executively paralysed. In practice, it means that even though I want to do something, it's a greater truth within me that I really don't want to do it, and therefore I can't, until it's emotionally resolved.
So I can't be productive unless I feel good about myself, or at least emotionally safe. This means it's up to my intellectual side to reassure my emotional side that we're on the right track and our plans are not in vain. Worries are an anchor, and I can only let go of them if I trust my destination.
But the dynamics here is that since I am a very emotionally driven person, the solution is not merely to calm down and sort my feelings, but to use them. Just as they can become my anchor, they are also my sail or engine. In order to be truly productive in a passionate way and not just dragging myself along with discipline, I need to let my emotions lead.
So I need to dream of my goal and romanticise the process of building my projects. I need to love the journey while being excited about the destination.
I hope being aware of this will make it easier for me to consciously get out of depressive phases where my projects can be stalled for months.
Still working on the databases, but I'm making visual progress. And by that I mean it's not just hidden backend functions or internal optimisations, but actual things on the frontend that you can interact with.
It's a very annoying thing with programming, that it isn't very presentable most of the time. It's kind of lonely working in constant obscurity, and the ratio between work effort and presentable results can at times make you feel like nothing is really happening, and yet you're mentally exhausted from working so much. It's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to get started with Blender, and doing more graphical stuff.
Of course, the programming will eventually become presentable when I actually complete something and put it online, but it's a very, very long road up the hill for that.
Also, besides the database stuff I've also made some useful UI components, like a file path selector and a textarea that allows tabbed input.
But now it's time to eat something...
I really suck at git commits.
The latest ones are like "Lots of stuff" with 38 files changed, followed by "More stuff" and 26 files changed, and so on. It's complete chaos.
But in my defense, I'm working alone on this project, it's not a stable version 1.0 yet, and it's not even released. There's really no need to be disciplined about such things at this stage, I feel.
Still, I'll admit it's not a good habit and I will eventually need to do it properly.
I guess it will make more sense when there is an issue tracking system involved.
I really look forward to having gotten that far with this mess.